I have been meaning to write an update all week and just haven't had the time. I've had the words in my head, but if I can't get them into writing, it doesn't really serve the journal any purpose, now does it..?
Anyway, diet is the same... not much to report. I'm definitely looking thicker! My training partner Jean took a pic of my back last night after my 2nd chest/back workout of the week. The lighting washes out the definition, but when I compared it to pics of me at 4 weeks out from my first show earlier this year, it just reminded me that I'll look BETTER than that when I'm 4 weeks out next year. And I think my upper body looks pretty good, so it's further proof that things can only get better.
Everyone keeps telling me to do figure. It's a nice theory, but my lower body requires so much work... it's really depressing but I understand that it's part of the process. I work my legs and glutes so hard twice a week and I feel like I still don't have enough to show for it. Damn estrogen and it's fat-loving properties. Makes the jiggle hold on for dear-friggin'-life! I hate it... Anyway, what I'm thinking is that if things go really well during prep in the spring and I can get lean enough and decide to try a local figure show for the hell of it and see how I do, then I might just roll with it and see what happens. It can't hurt anything and might even be a little bit fun. It's still a thought I'm tossing around though. It will all depend on what my diet and cardio bring me and if my body accepts the punishment and does what I want it to do... be a fat-melting machine! *rawrrrrr*
Anyway, moving on... Tammy texted me last week to let me know that the NPC national schedule for 2010 is all sorts of different. Jr. USAs are taking place in Houston in late August instead of South Carolina in May, which means I'll probably make my debut at Jr. Nationals in Chicago in June instead. At first I was slightly disappointed, but no reason to be. I'm going to Jr. Nats!!! So cool! I'll be booking my hotel for that as soon as the details are released.
I also really want to hit up the Arnold in March, so I have to get moving on my hotel and airline stuff for that, though with the holidays coming up, I'm in a mental financial freeze. Maybe I'll just wait for the holidays to pass before I book the flights.
Tomorrow is the East Coast Championships in Paterson, so we'll be heading up there early to check out pre-judging. Then next Saturday (which I'm really excited for!!) is the Eastern USAs in the city!! Not only am I excited for the few people I know who are competing, but shows in Tribeca are like halloween for bodybuilders. So many vendors and samples to take home and try... so much fun!
Is it really November already? 31 days til our 2 year anniversary, 36 days til Atlantic City, 43 days til my birthday and 49 days til Christmas... not like I'm counting or anything! ;) Lots of good things coming up! I love the end of the year...
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Rain, Rain, Go Away...
It's been approximately 2 weeks that I've been on an *official* diet, so I thought it deserved some blogging recognition...
Things are going really well so far! I feel great... lots of energy, lots of strength. I *feel* like a chunky monkey, but that aside, I honestly have to say that I don't think I *look* as chubby as I actually feel. When I look in the mirror, I see the same frame that I had a few months ago when I was dieted down... it's just slightly larger. I'm not a different shape though. I'm not round and I haven't turned into a blob. I've simply added weight that has been evenly distributed across my frame, which is (I believe) exactly what's supposed to happen during a gaining cycle. For that, I can not say that I'm upset. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Is it strange and uncomfortable to see yourself at a heavier weight, after seeing yourself in your best shape ever? Of course, absolutely! The awesome part about it all though is that I get to enjoy eating the next couple of months and in early 2010 when I begin my cutting diet, I should have some awesome results to show off! And for THAT, I'm INCREDIBLY excited!
About 20 more minutes until I get my next meal and I'm already starving! I thought this was too much food at first, but my body very quickly went from "ugh, too much food... can't eat another bite" to "feed me!!!!" mode when meal time rolls around.
Tonight is legs and I'm ready to do work! Last Sunday's leg training with my girl Jean was a huge success, so I'm excited to see what tonight brings! It's supposed to be my quad-dominant night, but quads always get a really good pump and don't need as much work as hams, so I think I'm going to focus on hams and glutes again... leg press, squats, lying leg curls, seated leg curls, deadlifts, hyperextensions, booty blaster... all on the agenda!
Last night was super busy and I was having a hard time getting near the machines/benches I needed, so I had to be creative in the interim and throw in a few extra back exercises (that I left out on Monday) in between attacking my arms. It's annoying when it's that busy, but I think that's the trend with most gyms between 6-8pm. I still have a membership to Retro Fitness, but I just don't get the same hardcore mindset when I'm there so I don't think switching up gyms every so often would be a good solution to that problem. Just have to suck it up and hope it's a bit more quiet tonight!
Things are going really well so far! I feel great... lots of energy, lots of strength. I *feel* like a chunky monkey, but that aside, I honestly have to say that I don't think I *look* as chubby as I actually feel. When I look in the mirror, I see the same frame that I had a few months ago when I was dieted down... it's just slightly larger. I'm not a different shape though. I'm not round and I haven't turned into a blob. I've simply added weight that has been evenly distributed across my frame, which is (I believe) exactly what's supposed to happen during a gaining cycle. For that, I can not say that I'm upset. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Is it strange and uncomfortable to see yourself at a heavier weight, after seeing yourself in your best shape ever? Of course, absolutely! The awesome part about it all though is that I get to enjoy eating the next couple of months and in early 2010 when I begin my cutting diet, I should have some awesome results to show off! And for THAT, I'm INCREDIBLY excited!
About 20 more minutes until I get my next meal and I'm already starving! I thought this was too much food at first, but my body very quickly went from "ugh, too much food... can't eat another bite" to "feed me!!!!" mode when meal time rolls around.
Tonight is legs and I'm ready to do work! Last Sunday's leg training with my girl Jean was a huge success, so I'm excited to see what tonight brings! It's supposed to be my quad-dominant night, but quads always get a really good pump and don't need as much work as hams, so I think I'm going to focus on hams and glutes again... leg press, squats, lying leg curls, seated leg curls, deadlifts, hyperextensions, booty blaster... all on the agenda!
Last night was super busy and I was having a hard time getting near the machines/benches I needed, so I had to be creative in the interim and throw in a few extra back exercises (that I left out on Monday) in between attacking my arms. It's annoying when it's that busy, but I think that's the trend with most gyms between 6-8pm. I still have a membership to Retro Fitness, but I just don't get the same hardcore mindset when I'm there so I don't think switching up gyms every so often would be a good solution to that problem. Just have to suck it up and hope it's a bit more quiet tonight!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Vacation's over...
Got home last night after spending 2 days in Atlantic City with my love of nearly two years... after all that time we finally made our first trip together and it was worth the long, anticipated wait! I don't think the trip could have gone any better than it did... beautiful weather, shopping, gambling, LOADS of yummy food... we lucked out with a king bed room on the 36th floor at Bally's, with a view overlooking the ocean. It was perfect!
Back to the grind today and I'm feeling a little bit sad... Stupid post-vacation depression... it's minor though and I know it will pass!
After being off the diet for a few days, I was happy to get back to healthy, balanced meals today. When your body is used to eating a certain way, it can really throw you for a loop when you do something different... like, say... buffets, big italian dinners, drinking and late-night treats all low in protein and high in everything I usually try to avoid! Sometimes the body needs a little shock like that though, so as long as it doesn't happen too often, it isn't the worst thing in the world!
I don't believe in horoscopes, yet every so often I get the feeling to read mine and see what the stars have to say... Today's sounds like me, so I figured I would share:
"You may feel stifled today, yet you're willing to endure the discomfort for the rewards that are waiting just around the corner. Your anticipation could make it difficult to manage your current lack of self-restraint, yet the potential prize makes it all worthwhile. You aren't usually one to embrace the idea of patience when you want something. Fortunately, you will intuitively know when the time is right, so don't be afraid to act on your hunches."
Hmm... wonder what that's all about? I'm definitely not a patient person, but I do have faith that good things come to those who wait and that all good things are worth waiting for.
Got back in the gym last night... 45 minutes cardio with my good friend Jean! Tonight is chest, back and cardio...
Pics from AC:
Back to the grind today and I'm feeling a little bit sad... Stupid post-vacation depression... it's minor though and I know it will pass!
After being off the diet for a few days, I was happy to get back to healthy, balanced meals today. When your body is used to eating a certain way, it can really throw you for a loop when you do something different... like, say... buffets, big italian dinners, drinking and late-night treats all low in protein and high in everything I usually try to avoid! Sometimes the body needs a little shock like that though, so as long as it doesn't happen too often, it isn't the worst thing in the world!
I don't believe in horoscopes, yet every so often I get the feeling to read mine and see what the stars have to say... Today's sounds like me, so I figured I would share:
"You may feel stifled today, yet you're willing to endure the discomfort for the rewards that are waiting just around the corner. Your anticipation could make it difficult to manage your current lack of self-restraint, yet the potential prize makes it all worthwhile. You aren't usually one to embrace the idea of patience when you want something. Fortunately, you will intuitively know when the time is right, so don't be afraid to act on your hunches."
Hmm... wonder what that's all about? I'm definitely not a patient person, but I do have faith that good things come to those who wait and that all good things are worth waiting for.
Got back in the gym last night... 45 minutes cardio with my good friend Jean! Tonight is chest, back and cardio...
Pics from AC:
Friday, October 2, 2009
Full Moonitis!
I'm feeling weird today... in a goofy, tingly sorta way. It's good though. These days don't come around often enough. It's a Friday and I'm all psyched for my upcoming 4-day weekend! I think tomorrow's full moon is taking effect somewhat early though because I'm definitely feeling strangely wired right now for no apparent reason.
Tonight I'm hitting the weights with my training partner (who I haven't worked out with since we vended together for Dymatize at the USBF Jersey Shore Natural on September 19th - it feels more like an eternity ago though!) I usually don't train on Friday nights, but Jon has plans with his friends and Jean is always talking about how quiet the gym is on Fridays so I think it will be a good opportunity to rock out some shoulders. One of her trainers put her through a grueling delt workout the other night and considering how badly mine are screaming for help, I'm excited to hopefully pick up some new pointers!
Day 5 of the new diet and I'm loving it so far. It doesn't even feel like a "diet". Even though I'm battling the fat demons on a daily basis, I'm somewhat amazed at how I have maintained my shape. Clearly if fitness was not a regular part of my life, I would take on a completely different, much less attractive shape... I'm actually starting to relax a little bit more now as I'm realizing the amazing thing my body is going through. I'm really looking forward to cutting in a few months because I already feel like something special is going on and that I'm going to have something great to show off once I shed the rest of this fat and water next spring! All the seasoned competitors before me say to "enjoy the process"... and I'm trying... I really am. Is part of enjoying the process only feeling comfortable in stretchy gym clothes? Because that's how I feel most of the time now... I'm trying to keep things in perspective though.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" ~ Albert Einstein
Clearly what I was doing wasn't bringing me closer to my goals, so even though it's a different, much more scarier path that I'm currently on, it's a risk that needed to be taken in order to bring me another step closer to the physiques that I admire.
Tonight I'm hitting the weights with my training partner (who I haven't worked out with since we vended together for Dymatize at the USBF Jersey Shore Natural on September 19th - it feels more like an eternity ago though!) I usually don't train on Friday nights, but Jon has plans with his friends and Jean is always talking about how quiet the gym is on Fridays so I think it will be a good opportunity to rock out some shoulders. One of her trainers put her through a grueling delt workout the other night and considering how badly mine are screaming for help, I'm excited to hopefully pick up some new pointers!
Day 5 of the new diet and I'm loving it so far. It doesn't even feel like a "diet". Even though I'm battling the fat demons on a daily basis, I'm somewhat amazed at how I have maintained my shape. Clearly if fitness was not a regular part of my life, I would take on a completely different, much less attractive shape... I'm actually starting to relax a little bit more now as I'm realizing the amazing thing my body is going through. I'm really looking forward to cutting in a few months because I already feel like something special is going on and that I'm going to have something great to show off once I shed the rest of this fat and water next spring! All the seasoned competitors before me say to "enjoy the process"... and I'm trying... I really am. Is part of enjoying the process only feeling comfortable in stretchy gym clothes? Because that's how I feel most of the time now... I'm trying to keep things in perspective though.
Clearly what I was doing wasn't bringing me closer to my goals, so even though it's a different, much more scarier path that I'm currently on, it's a risk that needed to be taken in order to bring me another step closer to the physiques that I admire.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Getting mentally prepared...
Isn't it funny... in a world where people are obsessed with celebrities figures, television shows like "The Biggest Loser", consuming diets high in 100-calorie bars and low in green vegetables, making up every excuse in the book to avoid exercise... and just generally being obsessed with "thin"... there is also a small population of people on the other end of the spectrum who eat... lots. The difference is WHAT they eat, WHEN they eat it and most importantly HOW their bodies process the nutrients to yield strong, beautifully sculpted physiques. They train hard and they train often. They don't make up excuses and they often (not always, thankfully!) endure lots of negativity and lack of support along the way. But in the end, it's all for a greater good. A selfish personal goal that few others could understand.
I know most people don't understand when I tell them I eat several small meals a day that is high in protein, accompanied by complex carbs and essential fats.
I know that when I'm dieting and even moreso *can't* eat things that normal people do, they think it's okay if I "just have a little" or that it won't be the end of the world if I miss a training session and don't go to the gym one day. I know they don't know and I try not to hold it against them.
I know that I have to endure mocking day in and day out about my lifestyle choices. And I know that I feel better about myself for making those choices and not giving into the *their* way.
I know that my physique is a work in progress and that in order to obtain the results I so badly desire, it means eating for fuel, not for recreation... supplying my body with food that it will process in the most efficient way to support the muscle-building process.
I know that while I will gain weight (weight that I am in no means excited to add to my already vertically-challenged, bottom-heavy frame), I know it's the only way.
I know people won't understand why I'll be getting bigger, even though I live this lifestyle to be healthy and "fit".
I know it won't be an easy process and I know that I will have some mental obstacles to overcome along the way, but I also know I'm doing the right thing and I know that next spring, it will all be worth it.
I know most people don't understand when I tell them I eat several small meals a day that is high in protein, accompanied by complex carbs and essential fats.
I know that when I'm dieting and even moreso *can't* eat things that normal people do, they think it's okay if I "just have a little" or that it won't be the end of the world if I miss a training session and don't go to the gym one day. I know they don't know and I try not to hold it against them.
I know that I have to endure mocking day in and day out about my lifestyle choices. And I know that I feel better about myself for making those choices and not giving into the *their* way.
I know that my physique is a work in progress and that in order to obtain the results I so badly desire, it means eating for fuel, not for recreation... supplying my body with food that it will process in the most efficient way to support the muscle-building process.
I know that while I will gain weight (weight that I am in no means excited to add to my already vertically-challenged, bottom-heavy frame), I know it's the only way.
I know people won't understand why I'll be getting bigger, even though I live this lifestyle to be healthy and "fit".
I know it won't be an easy process and I know that I will have some mental obstacles to overcome along the way, but I also know I'm doing the right thing and I know that next spring, it will all be worth it.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Starting my *official* off-season diet!
It's been two months since I last journaled here? Hmm... not bad! Now that I'm getting back to some sort of structure, I plan to be writing here quite a bit more.
I hired new IFBB FBB Pro Tammy Patnode as a contest prep coach and just got my diet this afternoon. So excited to get started on this. It's more food than I'm used to, but I know I'll adjust accordingly. Looking forward to seeing the changes in my physique over the next couple months. I'm completely focused on making my debut on the Junior USA stage in the spring and I'm totally confident that everything I'm doing now will only pay off very soon!
It's so crappy out today... rain, bleh! I need sunshine in my life!! I was slow to get moving this morning, but once I was ready to get out of bed and face the gloomy day, my energy levels rose. Did my laundry, got my workout in, now time to shower and relax!
Today: shoulders, abs
Side lat raises
1x20 ~ 7.5lbs (warm up)
3x15 ~ 7.5lbs
DB shoulder press
1x15 ~ 12.5lbs
3x10 ~ 20lbs
BB shoulder press
4x10 ~ 30lbs
Bent over BB rows
3x15 ~ 30lbs
W Presses
3x12 ~ 12.5lbs
DB Upright Rows
4x15 ~ 7.5lbs
I used to use BBs for this, but my wrist would click in a weird way from the angle, so I started using DBs.
Split Rope Crunches
2x30 ~ 40lbs
2x20 ~ 50lbs
Cardio ~ 30 min, step mill
I hired new IFBB FBB Pro Tammy Patnode as a contest prep coach and just got my diet this afternoon. So excited to get started on this. It's more food than I'm used to, but I know I'll adjust accordingly. Looking forward to seeing the changes in my physique over the next couple months. I'm completely focused on making my debut on the Junior USA stage in the spring and I'm totally confident that everything I'm doing now will only pay off very soon!
It's so crappy out today... rain, bleh! I need sunshine in my life!! I was slow to get moving this morning, but once I was ready to get out of bed and face the gloomy day, my energy levels rose. Did my laundry, got my workout in, now time to shower and relax!
Today: shoulders, abs
Side lat raises
1x20 ~ 7.5lbs (warm up)
3x15 ~ 7.5lbs
DB shoulder press
1x15 ~ 12.5lbs
3x10 ~ 20lbs
BB shoulder press
4x10 ~ 30lbs
Bent over BB rows
3x15 ~ 30lbs
W Presses
3x12 ~ 12.5lbs
DB Upright Rows
4x15 ~ 7.5lbs
I used to use BBs for this, but my wrist would click in a weird way from the angle, so I started using DBs.
Split Rope Crunches
2x30 ~ 40lbs
2x20 ~ 50lbs
Cardio ~ 30 min, step mill
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Updates and next steps...
It's been so long since I made an entry, that I figured I owed it to myself (for the sake of my mental state) to get back into journaling. It's nice to have an outlet to place my thoughts and feelings, even if nobody reads it. This is my space and I should be taking advantage of it.
Anyway, quick summary since my last post:
- school is finished (thank gxd!) Just waiting to get my letter in the mail telling me the date of my licensing exam, probably sometime in September. I could freak out about this so bad, but I've decided not to worry about it until the time comes.
- competition is over and I came in first place in my June 27th show! While I'm excited about my victory, I'm also so disappointed that I dieted for so long and still feel like I don't have enough to show for it.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks and I don't plan to anytime soon anyway. I'm eating the same for the most part, except some more treats here and there. And I haven't been as strict with cardio. Funny how small things like that can make all the difference in the world.
Some days I feel great and others I feel like a blob, even though I'm probably no more than 7-10 lbs above my contest weight. It's amazing how hard you could work to improve your physique and still not be happy about it. I don't think anyone "gets it" unless they're also into this lifestyle. Everyone else just sees a fit, dedicated person who eats healthy at weird times of the day. They don't know the mental ups and downs that accompany such a goal and a way of living.
So now that I'm not competing anymore in 2009, I'm trying to work on lagging bodyparts in an effort to be a better version of myself next year. I hate when people ask if I'm jealous of my body yet. I'm not... I don't think I'll ever be. The point is that I'm trying and as long as I'm trying, I guess I can't be failing...
I've hit a few personal records recently and I'm excited to see how much further I could push it. Still, it's nothing that I deem impressive by any means... but it's an improvement for ME, so that is an accomplishment. I'm squatting double the weight I was a few months ago. That has to mean something, right?
I need to find a contest prep coach for next year. I *have* to. It isn't an option anymore... I'll never get to that next level without someone who can push me and deal with my mental breakdowns and tell me that I'm normal for going through them. The problem is figuring out who it will be and how much will I spend? I'm already in a financial hole and wondering how I might juggle contest prep for a national-level show when I'm planning to get a second job in a couple months to help with my finances... then again, I'm not the first and I won't be the last person to be in such a position. Gotta learn to suck it up, roll with the punches and just make this stuff happen!
Anyway, quick summary since my last post:
- school is finished (thank gxd!) Just waiting to get my letter in the mail telling me the date of my licensing exam, probably sometime in September. I could freak out about this so bad, but I've decided not to worry about it until the time comes.
- competition is over and I came in first place in my June 27th show! While I'm excited about my victory, I'm also so disappointed that I dieted for so long and still feel like I don't have enough to show for it.
I haven't weighed myself in weeks and I don't plan to anytime soon anyway. I'm eating the same for the most part, except some more treats here and there. And I haven't been as strict with cardio. Funny how small things like that can make all the difference in the world.
Some days I feel great and others I feel like a blob, even though I'm probably no more than 7-10 lbs above my contest weight. It's amazing how hard you could work to improve your physique and still not be happy about it. I don't think anyone "gets it" unless they're also into this lifestyle. Everyone else just sees a fit, dedicated person who eats healthy at weird times of the day. They don't know the mental ups and downs that accompany such a goal and a way of living.
So now that I'm not competing anymore in 2009, I'm trying to work on lagging bodyparts in an effort to be a better version of myself next year. I hate when people ask if I'm jealous of my body yet. I'm not... I don't think I'll ever be. The point is that I'm trying and as long as I'm trying, I guess I can't be failing...
I've hit a few personal records recently and I'm excited to see how much further I could push it. Still, it's nothing that I deem impressive by any means... but it's an improvement for ME, so that is an accomplishment. I'm squatting double the weight I was a few months ago. That has to mean something, right?
I need to find a contest prep coach for next year. I *have* to. It isn't an option anymore... I'll never get to that next level without someone who can push me and deal with my mental breakdowns and tell me that I'm normal for going through them. The problem is figuring out who it will be and how much will I spend? I'm already in a financial hole and wondering how I might juggle contest prep for a national-level show when I'm planning to get a second job in a couple months to help with my finances... then again, I'm not the first and I won't be the last person to be in such a position. Gotta learn to suck it up, roll with the punches and just make this stuff happen!
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